I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
