I heard we made out
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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