So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
did i just pee glitter
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
