Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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