If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How's work?
Spinning.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
