Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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