M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize