i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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