that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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