OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
