she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
