the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
