so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
