not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
