I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
