Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize