was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
