cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
