It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
