She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
