is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
