You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
