I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
