# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't think brook has ever known best
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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