Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
