I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
