Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
