Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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