And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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