Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
