This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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