false alarm. still invincible.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You are a genius and a whore.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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