I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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