the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
please come you make the beer taste better
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
