I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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