My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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