I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
