There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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