real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
