1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am available for nakedness
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
