I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had to cum in my sink.
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