what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
