ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
