I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
