Do you still have your period?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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