just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
