you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
