Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
