real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I touched a dick in church today
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
