clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
bring money and cleavage
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
