Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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