no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
