Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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