if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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