my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
