You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
