When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
