Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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