I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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