My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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