Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
