I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
