i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
