Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize