one two three fourrrrnication!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
