So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
