wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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