i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
