we have officially lost it.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
