cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize