so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
